When I was younger I discovered things on a day to day or even moment to moment basis, and absorbed quickly – rarely completely understanding what I learned until much later. Over time, I learned that regardless of initial speed, learning any lesson eventually takes internalizing, sorting, and assigning context and relevance to our life either for now or the future, to be fully effective. It is the continued accumulation over a lifetime that actually makes us who we are.
Recently I have been reminded that there is another dimentional component in our lives where you go through a rediscovery process for some lessons that may, in fact, revisit previous ones but with new eyes or perspectives. This can be unsettling in its reveals and moreover, the whole folding process gets faster as we build on the past and we age.
One embarrassing aspect of the process is discovering that I got overly confident, thinking I had achieved a status of ‘old and wise’ that would provide some sort of elevated buffer for my move to the next chapter. That is pure self-bluff and in short order I realized that I was evolving once more.
I will readily admit that all of the emotions that accompany that realization are now bubbling up. From the embarrassment at making overconfident statements about what I intended to do and be at retirement age, to all of the youthful insecurities that I had forgotten because of coping mechanisms developed in professional roles, and I am absolutely humbled.
This is not a bad thing. Once I realized I had hunkered down in the comfortable sham of the known, I stopped… and began to listen again… and I have been listening all summer.
Now I am free again to learn, to grow, to become the next unique and wonderful itteration of myself as I move forward. We never know how many days we have to live, or what our potential is, or what we have to contribute to those around us. We do know it is our charge to continue to grow, love, nurture, give, and become a worthy steward from start to finish.
“Do not fear moving forward slowly, fear only to stand still. ” It means something different to me now.
Kelly E. James 