Kelly E. James

I can tell the adventure has begun and change is underway.

In my last writing I talked about being excited and open to anything but like I often do I launched into planning, listing, roadbuilding and scheduling – being completely oblivious to any plan other than my own.

I am a doer and my mind is never quiet – my inner vibration, rarely still. Usually pretty organized, I plow forward with my long range view in mind, appearing confident and perhaps even a bit arrogant. I don’t believe in passively waiting for blessings but run on the adage that God helps those who help themselves. This also feeds a personal assumption that I have some modicum of control and then find myself humbled and surprised when I am gently reigned in. Sheepishly, I then listen.

My plans had included several weeks of Christmas and holiday gatherings, events, light shows, and shopping. Then, following the first week in January my husband and I planned a road trip to Florida for the rest of the month to see sights, to spend precious time with friends, and to paint each day. Quietly and surprisingly the plan just dissolved. We got some kind of virus or flu (despite vaccinations and boosters) that put us in bed with weeks of slow recovery and coughing. The subtle cascade of events from there involved inclement weather, physical limitations, and disappointment.

Although I talk about stoically rolling with the cosmos, much to my embarrassment I chose a disgruntled response. Like a petulant child I pouted and whined that I didn’t get my way and made it clear I didn’t want to embrace this ‘mandatory adulting’. Logically I know that these events are just part of life but arrogance is a loud voice and makes it hard to hear reason. It’s not necessarily wrong to have a brief pity party as long as you don’t make it a lifestyle choice.

So the time came when I knew it was time to stop. Just stop. I began to take each element of the month long lesson and really look at it with a change in perspective. This exercise feels an awful lot like counting your blessings but is more humbling. I realized that I have been really blessed. My husband is a really fair and caring person; the days each of our illness started were perfectly timed and staggered just enough to be able to help each other through the worst part; we had simple foods in house to prepare when we needed it; we had a warm and secure home with laundry and disinfectants to get us back on track. Once I began the process of seeing events objectively the inertia made it more and more clear that things were as they were meant to be.

It was important for me to be reminded that for the wonderful adventures planned for us in the coming year to get any traction, I needed to stop trying to control everything. It was important for me to remember that there are a myriad of possibilities for each day and many of the resulting outcomes are more wonderful than I can anticipate with my limited scope. It was important for me to be reminded to trust God’s plan and know that it will be just right for us.

Now, 18 days into the new year I find myself finally sitting quietly and listening for insight on what I should do or expect next. I feel calm, well, and peaceful and took some time in my studio and painted. This is the first painting of this year and is a simple study of grapes in a vineyard that I was fortunate to be able to walk in one afternoon last summer. Now, I look forward to what the year ahead has to offer. Thanks for joining me today and in the upcoming year.