This is really hard work. Maybe the hardest art growth I have experienced to date.
Confucius had said something to the effect that, we must not fear slowly moving forward but fear instead, standing still. I am really hoping this learning process can be considered moving forward toward a better place. The process is certainly daunting. I am burning through small canvases at a fairly good clip in an attempt to feel the relaxing of some deeply ingrained habits. None of these paintings are what I consider done but I am declaring them not worth finishing and stopping before I dig in and get trapped into fixing them.
I am sure that the action of pushing paint around with larger brushes has redeeming worth. I am even sure it will have a positive effect on my style, eventually. The advise is sound. It is just really hard to intentionally work outside my comfort zone.
So, what makes it hard? I am not having fun. My up-tight, detailed style was a source of zen like enjoyment that relieved daily stress, captured realistic light, and clarified my fractured thoughts. I keep hoping for that moment when I will suddenly ‘get.it’ and the epiphany will allow me to reach the turning point and begin to marry my new and old styles. I have no idea where this is all going.
I feel like I am in school again, but I am not one of the smart kids in class.