Working at change.

This is really hard work. Maybe the hardest art growth I have experienced to date.

Some of the practice work.
Some of the practice work.

Confucius had said something to the effect that, we must not fear slowly moving forward but fear instead, standing still. I am really hoping this learning process can be considered moving forward toward a better place. The process is certainly daunting. I am burning through small canvases at a fairly good clip in an attempt to feel the relaxing of some deeply ingrained habits. None of these paintings are what I consider done but I am declaring them not worth finishing and stopping before I dig in and get trapped into fixing them.

I am sure that the action of pushing paint around with larger brushes has redeeming worth. I am even sure it will have a positive effect on my style, eventually. The advise is sound. It is just really hard to intentionally work outside my comfort zone.

So, what makes it hard? I am not having fun. My up-tight, detailed style was a source of zen like enjoyment that relieved daily stress, captured realistic light, and clarified my fractured thoughts. I keep hoping for that moment when I will suddenly ‘get.it’ and the epiphany will allow me to reach the turning point and begin to marry my new and old styles. I have no idea where this is all going.

I feel like I am in school again, but I am not one of the smart kids in class.


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